bummed. mad inside.

it freakin sucks to have no true friends.
I dont see how people that are okay with that vent out their frustrations
because im havin trouble with it man.
and i get so discouraged to meet new people because of this shit.
I dunno wat to do with myself....smh.
ima go read or somethin. later.

My favorite sonqs [NEO-SOUL, HiPHOP, RnB]

Songs that touch the heart & inspire ME.

Amazinq Grace - Destiny's Child
Dangerously In Love - Destiny's Child
Emotions - Destiny's Child
Brown Eyes - Destiny's Child
Girl - Destiny's Child
A Million Miles Away - Rihanna
Question Existing - Rihanna
Rehab - Rihanna
Hate that I Love you - Rihanna ft Ne-Yo [[MY RiNGTONE]]
Willing to Wait - Rihanna
A Woman's Worth - Alicia Keys
When You Really Love Someone - Alicia Keys
Diary - Alicia Keys ft Tony Toni Tone
No One - Alicia Keys
Slow Down - Alicia Keys
Anniversary - Tony Toni Tone
The One I Gave My Heart To - Aaliyah
At Your Best - Aaliyah
I Care For You - Aaliyah
I Wanna Be - Chris Brown
I May Never Find - Chris Brown
No More Complaining - Mila J
All Cried Out - Allure ft 112
Cupid - 112
Hey Love - Mobb Deep ft 112
All My Life - kc and jojo
Dedicate - Amanda Perez ft Layzie Bone
Fabulous - Jaheim
Anytime - Ray J
A Song For Mama - Boyz II Men
Down On Bended Knee - Boyz II Men
I'll Make Love To You - Boyz II Men
End Of The Road - Boyz II Men
Broken Hearted - Brandy ft Boyz II Men
HEY LOVER - LL COOL J FT BOYZ II MEN [[ i love this song ]]
The Color Of Love - Boyz II Men
Almost Doesnt Count - Brandy
Have You Ever - Brandy
I Wanna Be Down - Brandy
CrossRoads - Bone Thugs N Harmony
Love - Musiq Soulchild
Teachme - Musiq Soulchild
Don't Change - Musiq Soulchild
Butta Love - Next
Butterflies - Michael Jackson
Man In the Mirror - Michael Jackson
You Are Not Alone - Michael Jackson
Falling For You - Tamia
My First Love - Avant ft Tamia
Smile - Tamia
Stranger In My House - Tamia
Don't Take Your Love Away - Avant
Making Good Love - Avant
Wanna Be Close - Avant
Can't Help But Wait - Trey Songz
In the Middle - Trey Songz
Can You Believe - Robin Thicke
Lost Without You - Robin Thicke
Candy Rain - Soul For Real
Every Little Thing I Do - Soul For Real
Faded Pictures - Case & Joe
Happily Ever After - Case
I'm Missing you - Case
My Love - Joe
Chills - Fatty Koo
Closer - Goapele
Come Close To Me - Common ft Mary J Blige
The Light - Common
I Have A Dream - Common ft Will.I.Am
Crying Out For Me - Mario Barrett
How Do I Breathe - Mario Barrett
Let Me Love You - Mario Barrett
Take It Slow - Oryan
In the Dark - Omarion
Cursed - Vivian Green
Emotional Rollercoaster - Vivian Green
Gotta Go Gotta Leave - Vivian Green
Stay With Me - Danity Kane
One Woman Man - Dave Hollister
Wedding Song - Dave Hollister
Day Dreaming - Lupe Fiasco ft Jill Scott
Sunshine - Lupe Fiasco
Long Walk - Jill Scott
True Colors - Fredro Starr ft Jill Scott
Freedom - Ashanti
Don't Leave Me Alone - Ashanti ft Aurelius
Don't Leave Me Girl - Blackstreet
Dear Lie - Tlc
Diggin On You - Tlc
Red Light Special - Tlc
Do You Know That I Love You - Donell Jones
I Wanna Love You - Donell Jones
Where I Wanna Be - Donell Jones
Everything - Fefe Dobson
For You I Will - Monica
Why I Love You So Much - Monica
You Should Have Known Better - Monica
I Love You - Faith Evans [[ our sonq . . . ]]
Soon As I Get Home - Faith Evans
Never Gonna Let You Go - Faith Evans
Fallen - Mya
Tears On My Pillow - Mya
Fallin Out - Keyshia Cole
Heaven Sent - Keyshia Cole
Love - Keyshia Cole
We Could Be - Keyshia Cole
Far Away - Kindred : The Family Soul
Footprints On My Heart - Paula Deanda
For Real - Amel Larrieux
Fortunate - Maxwell
Lifetime - Maxwell
This Woman's Work - Maxwell
I Love You More Everyday - Ginuwine
Good Luck Charm - Jagged Edge
Promise - Jagged Edge
Walked Outta Heaven - Jagged Edge
Let's Get Married - Jagged Edge
Goodbye - Jagged Edge
I Can't Stop Loving You - Kem
Love Calls - Kem
I Don't Wanna Hurt You - Latif
Without You - Latif
Sweet Misery - Latif
I Need You Now - Smokie Norful
I Refuse - Urban Mystic
I See You In A Different Light - Chante Moore ft jojo
I Think I Love You - Dwele
Old Lovas - Dwele
If I Ever Fall In Love Again - Shai
If I Have My Way - Chrisette Michele
Imagination - Floetry
Incomplete - Sisqo
He Is The Truth - India Arie
I Am Not My Hair - India Arie
Purify Me - India Arie
A Love Of Your Own - J Holiday
Suffocate - J Holiday
Fatal - J Holiday
Hypothetically Of Course - Lyfe Jennings
Must Be Nice - Lyfe Jennings
Heaven - Jamie Foxx
They Don't Know - Jon B [[ will you marry me????? ]]
Tonight - Xscape
Who Can I Run To - Xscape
Take It From Here - Justin Timberlake
Until The End Of Time - Justin Timberlake
Twisted - Keith Sweat
Nobody - Keith Sweat
Make It Last Forever - Keith Sweat
He Reigns - Kirk Franklin
Looking for You - Kirk Franklin
Tonight I`m Yours - Lil ' Zane ft Tank
Please Don't Go - Tank
Listen - Beyonce
Listen To Your Heart - DHT
Love Will Be Right Here - SWV
Understanding - SWV
Rain - SWV
Love You I do - Jennifer Hudson
Maria Maria - Carlos Santana ft Wyclef Jean
Beautiful You Are - MH
Grass Is Greener - MH
Smile - MH
Mine Again - Mariah Carey
When You Believe - Marey Carey ft Whitney Houston
Two Wrongs - Wyclef Jean ft Claudette Ortiz
Moment In Time - Cherish
My Good Thang - Pretty Willie
Touching It - Pretty Willie
Aint Nothing Wrong - Houston
My Promise - Houston
One Mic - Nas
Never - Eve ft. Keyshia Cole
Never Let You Down - Baby Bash ft. Bone Thugs N Harmony
Never Took the Time - Akon
What's Left Of Me - Nick Lachey
Ocean - 3LW
Prototype - Andre 3000
Return of The Mack - Mark Morrison
The Crazy Things I do For Love - Sammie
Come With Me - Sammie
So Amazing - Luther Vandross
The Closer I Get To You - Luther V ft Beyonce
So High - John Legend
Ordinary People - John Legend
Falsetto - The Dream
The Rain Don't Last - Hope
These Are The Times - Dru Hill
Torn - LeToya Luckett
My Everything - Tynisha Keli
Can You Handle It - Usher
You Got It Bad - Usher
We Can't Be Friends - Deborah Cox ft RL
We Can Make It Through - Romeo
Whoaa - Mint Condition
Wife Her - Sekay
You - Jesse Powell


TOLD YALL I LOVE MUSIC :]

Quotes to go byyy :)

"All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher." - Ambrose Bierce

The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. That's what I hope to give you forever.

"Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives." - Tony Robbins

Trust in what you love, continue to do it, and it will take you where you need to go. -- Natalie Goldberg

"The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you're in control of your life. If you don't, life controls you." - Tony Robbins

"All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of others. " - Cyril Connolly

"It's not the events of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs as to what those events mean." -Tony Robbins

Love is patient; love is kind. Love does not envy; is not boastful; is not conceited; does not act improperly; is not selfish; is not provoked; does not keep a record of wrongs; finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things. hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13

"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day that says I will try again tommorow."

Do not look at physical appearances, they can be deceiving. Dont look at riches, for they are only temporary. Look for someone who makes you smile, because sometimes it only takes a smile to brighten up a very dark day. Look for someone who makes your heart sing.

"Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It is an option. Impossible is not a declaration. It is a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary."

Dream what you want to dream; Go where you want to go; Try to be who you really are; Because Life is short, and often only gives you one chance to do things.

"All the water in the ocean cannot sink a ship unless it gets inside. Neither can all the problems in the world break you down unless you let them get to you."

When a door closes, another one opens, but often we stand there so long looking at the closed door, that we do not see that one that has opened.

"I will not lose because even in defeat, there is a valuable lesson learned so it evens it up for me." -Sean Carter

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." - Gandhi

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."

"Dealing with backstabbers, there was one thing I learned. They're only powerful when you got your back turned." - Eminem

"Life is a form of art. As the years go by, you get to mold and create yourself. Make your life a masterpiece for all to see."

"Without emotion, man would be nothing
but a biological computer. Love, joy,
sorrow, fear, apprehension, anger,
satisfaction, and discontent provide
the meaning of human existence."
- Arnold M. Ludwig

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings."

"It is better to die standing than to live on your knees" - Ernesto Guevara

"Within ourselves there is a deep place at whose edge we may sit and dream." - Lehrman

"Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstance." – Bruce Barton

"You can always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest. Honestly, it's the honest ones you want to watch out for." -Capt. Jack Sparrow [[ smh i love pirates ]]

"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." - Malcolm X

"Have the courage to live. Anyone can die."

"To let go isn't to forget, not to think about, or ignore. It doesn't leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn't about winning or losing. It's not about pride and it's not about how you appear, and it's not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn't blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and doesn't leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness. It's not about giving in or giving up. Letting go isn't about loss and it's not about defeat. To let go is to cherish the memories, but to overcome and move on. It is having an open mind and confidence in the future. Letting go is learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It's about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and set yourself free."

It's all about the game, and how you play it. All about control, and if you can take it. All about your debt, and if you can pay it. It's all about pain, and who's gonna make it.
I am the game, you don't wanna play me. I am control, no way you can change me. I have heavy debts, no way you can pay me. I am the pain, and I know you can't take me.

"I came to steal your heart. Girl, don't call the police." -Trey Songz

"If I had a wish, i would turn back the hands of time, because you don't know what you got until it's gone." -Stevie Hoang

"It ain't about the size of your car, it's about the size of the faith in your heart." -India Arie

"People always on a search tryna find that one, but it's funny how they may not recognize it when it finally comes" -Musiq Soulchild.

"Love and happiness, it goes hand in hand.. you can't have one and not the other." -Latif

"Behind every great man you can find a woman, like a soldier holding him down." -Fabolous

"Treat you better than me cause that's the heavenly key to unlock the inner strength where my essence will be. It's the knowledge of self understanding of the things around me that become the wisdom that I need. " -Nujabes

"We bring ourselves down and build ourselves up in disappointment." -Gym Class Heroes

"I never thought that telling the truth would cause such a mess, and i never cared for someone so damn much that they cared to last." -Reynard Silva

Opportunists, those people that take advantage .

LEiLANi ;; BAY.BEE™: im nobodys convenience man idk how many times i gotta say that
LEiLANi ;; BAY.BEE™: and i kno theres ppl out there das ride or die foreal. and u aint finna b my friend only when shit is good
LEiLANi ;; BAY.BEE™: bc im goin sumwhere wit my life and im only takin ppl who deserve to b dea with me
nj_nice_guy_will: lol yea, I know a shit load of people like tha
nj_nice_guy_will: when i was jobless ..aint no one wanna kick it with me or anything ( i had money just not enough to go out everynight) so when i did stack up my paper a lil bit i get text like "yo will you up for NY tonight"? lmao
nj_nice_guy_will: like..df
nj_nice_guy_will: fuck you nigga
LEiLANi ;; BAY.BEE™: lolll
nj_nice_guy_will: so its w.e, hell I dont need a shitload of friend to have fun ya know?
nj_nice_guy_will: str8 crazy
nj_nice_guy_will: your always gonna come across people like that though
nj_nice_guy_will: oppurtunist
nj_nice_guy_will: thats wha the word is
nj_nice_guy_will: Lol
LEiLANi ;; BAY.BEE™: hmmm
LEiLANi ;; BAY.BEE™: i like tha

______________________________________

I absolutely have to talk about this. I could not say this like, two years ago but I have no problem now with having to do things on my own. I feel like if you wanna get things done the right way, YOU DO IT YOURSELF. Seriously. But ish get dull when you just chillin by yourself so you want someone to just chill and go out with ya know?

But what do you do when you live in the boondocks with people that aint got no kinda sense? I refuse to stoop lower than what I have became so if I gotta chill solo thats what Ima do, and be perrrooudddd of it!!

But I also dont wanna be scared to make friends with people i feel have the qualities I like. But you have to watch out for those people that are Opportunists. Taking advantage of your situation because they see you dont have nothing better to do. Even though they may be a nice person, you may have something that they can use. So they take advantage. It may not be intentional but they still do it, lets be real. When shit gets rough with you they may back up a bit because "they dont have time for the drama or stress". Also meaning, you aint that important to me and I dont wanna get close to you, so ima let you cool off and then we can talk. If you feel like people are showin genuine interest in you even though you may be down and out thats wassup. Thats what you needa be lookinq for!

I miss the typa friendship where you laugh so hard your tummy hurts and you cant stop crying and you feel like your gonna piss your pants. Where you can jes sit there and do nothing but still be totally entertained. Where you can go out and party and know your gonna have a good time and that someone has your back just in case something breaks out. Im a ride or die type of chic and I would do anything for someone who would do anything for me, now thats real.

Ima leave yall with this song:

You are not alone - Michael Jackson

Another day has gone, I'm still all alone
How could this be? You're not here with me
You never said good-bye, someone tell me why
Did you have to go, and leave my world so cold?

1-Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away?
Something whispers in my ear and says

2-That you are not alone
I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay

3-You are not alone
I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
You are not alone

All alone, why, oh...

Just the other night, I thought I heard you cry
Asking me to come, and hold you in my arms
I can hear your prayers, your burdens I will bear
But first I need your hand, then forever can begin
(rpt 1, 2, 3)

Oh...whisper three words and I'll come runnin'
Fly...and girl you know that I'll be there
I'll be there
(rpt 2, 3, 2, 3)

Not alone
You are not alone, you are not alone...

You just reach for me baby
In the morning in the evening
You're not alone, not alone
You and me, not alone, oh, together, together...

Chaka Khan: The Soul Queen .

I was watchinq the 2009 Soul Train Awards especially the segment dedicated to Chaka Kahn, and LOVED IT. I didnt realize how many songs by her that I loved so much. Angel, Tell me Something good, Im Every Woman, through the fire, AND MY FAVE Sweet Thing.

"I will love you anyway, Even if you cannot stay, I think you are the one for me, Here is where you ought to be, I just want to satisfy ya, Though you're not mine, I can't deny ya, Don't you hear me talking baby? Love me now or I'll go crazy."

It's that old school love that I miss and adore. Yes guys dig pretty girls with confidence and thats what reels them in but what about the guys who get raptured with a girls soul? Loves it when she sings instead of how fast she shakes her ass? I mean really. They fall in love with the fine melodies of her voice and the way it flows instead of the way she "makes love". I would say the other word but thats not my steez. And its okay to love that, but thats not what makes a woman, a woman. You feel me?

I so want to be like her, her charisma and just everything about her screams I am woman. And this is why I will forever be an old school head :)

Taylor Swift & Taylor + Taylor <3

Besides from being absoletely gorgeous, she is an amazing singer. I have neverrrr been one for country music, but all the songs I've heard from her, I LOVE. She has the spirit of a teenage girl who just wants to be in love, and wants that great guy who is good for her (aka MY TAYLOR LAUGHTNER! sigh. lol) Your classic southern bell who wants that guy who is gonna open doors and ask your dads permission to take you out :) sigh, how lovely. Say yes and You Belong With Me are my main songs right now, but I really need to go get her album. When it comes to music I am an openn bookkk. Now lets talk about her BEYOND GORGEOUS BOYFRIEND.

I mean, do I really need to say anything? Let me catch my breath for a second....OKAY. Aside from the Twilight movies and everything I feel like he is a GREAT GUY. I've seen some of his interviews and how is around people and he's like this fun loving nerd haha. AND I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT. I heard that he really doesnt like his muscular body and when the movies are over he's probably gonna loose some of it and I DONT CARE. He just makes me smile at the thought of him and I love feeling like that. TAYLOR SWIFT IS A LUCKY HOOKER LOL jk love ya taylor s.!

So my question for you guys is, what do you think of the pair? And of Taylor S. music wise? Also, do you think Taylor L. will have a prosperous acting career?

iM BACKKKKKKK :)

&&&ND i HAVE ALOTTTT TO SAY :D

Remember them B2K days ? haha

Girlfriend - B2K

Gots Ta Be - B2K



Why I Love You - B2K


What A Girl Wants - B2K

Charm School finale .

Risky, she's the one I hope wins. Even though I think they all playin the role to win some money lol.

& ashley lol I honestly think she looks like e.t and dat bitch facade she wears, smh i see right through that lol. SO SHE BETTER NOT WIN LOL.

And I couldnt find a pic of Marcia but I dont want her to win either, shed have like a big party and drink lots of booze. so ehhh :)

lol sex sceneee..almostt.

I was feeling...deprived. so i expressed myself :) lmao


I am scared of you and the power you have,
My arms around ur neck and my waist you grab.
I gaze in your eyes and get lost in your love,
You pull me closer, slide your hands a little lower
and I bite my lip. You smirk and slide me the most PASSIONATE kiss a girl could get.
I moan slightly because I know it turns you on and you pick me up and place me on the bed && turn on a song.
You do a little dance just to make me laugh; the night is all ours so dont go too fast.
I pull you in closer and pull on your pants
You rub on my body and then bend my head
"Gettin impatient I can see it in your eyes, but baby I want to make love to your body && your mind".
Button by button I come undone,
Kiss by kiss im realizing your the one.
You squeeze on my curves and Im whispering your name,
you climb on top and you do the same.
Your body is amazing even in this dimly lit room,
my fingers run down your body, even where its groomed.
I want it now and fast or Im gonna go crazy,
all I want is you in my ear saying aww damn baby [LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO] aww man haha.
You slip inside and I clench your sides,
My innocence is gone and youve made me feel, something so different something so real.
I play in your hair as you take your pace, the pain is there but I dont make a face.
As the feeling fosters and you get your strides,
I cant help but scream out in pleasure because this feelins too good to hide.
You pick up speed with every notion of ecstasy,
baby, baby, baby please dont stop sexin me [omgggggg]
You no longer hear me as you are reaching your peak,
youre going so fast and youre making me weak.
BUT IT FEELS SO GOOD && you dont need to stop.
The rooms so steamy and im getting so hot, its spinning and I feel my body shake.
Wait, wait.....wait.....

Im laying in the same bed, with you knocking on my bedroom door.
You ask me if im okay you heard me groaning the night before.
I look in your eyes hoping that wasnt a dream.
GOT DAMNIT WTF!!! WTH DOES THIS MEAN!!!

>_<
so yeah basically...it was a wet dream hahahahahahah .

Something I didnt wanna completelyy delete on facebook .

So Will calls me now, thats all I ever wanted when we was together.
But I mean, sometimes I feel like its too late.
I mean it feels good when we talk and everything seems in place,
but shoot once yu think things goin good things mess up so you never know.
Especially in my circumstance.
Alot of changes are happening for me but thats one thing I didnt want to change.
But now its kinda like I dont know because I was numb to feelings for a while.
So I dont know what I want from him anymore lol.
I love the kidd and always will but I dont know, who knows if he will bail out on me again?

Also, I feel like I shouldnt have to hold back some ish I wanna say to somebody in fear that they think ima be buggin and throw up dueces at me and just forget my ass ever existed.
If anything, they should be glad im bein 100 percent real instead of most fake asses these days. People so fake they dont even know they fake. Been fake so long it seems to be how they are;; FAKE AS HELL.

And then like, I been thinking about a person or two in my past, who I really didnt get any closure with at all. Whether it ended with them just not callin me no more, or them fighting with me and up n leaving, or just w.e reason. If I said I love you to that person, YOU MEAN A GREAT BIT TO ME. And ima always have that love for you. Even if I CANT STAND UR ASS ANYMORE. I cant say it enough how much I feel that I deserve some kinda.....closure to situations and it eats at me yo, like all the time.

And I mean seriously, why the hell would yu dogg someone who loved yo ass 100 percent even if they overdoin it. JES BE FREAKIN GLAD SOMEONE TAKIN THE INIATIVE TO OVER DO SOMETHING SHOWING COMPASSION FOR YOUR DIRTY ASS.

I swea lol people dont know how good they got it sometimes.
But its all good tho, because they aint got it no more.
And the next person gon appreciate it THAT much because ima give it 2x more.
So eff that.
Next month, one of my dreams will happen for me and I aint talkin to no one about it no more but god and fam, because they the only people that actually asked me shit and show concern for me. and bri but she aint on facebook no more.

all this fake ass shit in the world aint for me lol im sorry.
so if i dont talk durin certain times, das not me bein a bitch.
its just not in my nature to be fake and tell yu w.e to fit the sentence.
ima be real 25/7 ya digg.

-larose.

ps. me and will not together no more. so lovely :)

If you are a sun lover , south beach is the bidness .

<3




It was hot as hell though, I will say that lol

Life isnt like the books, sometimes there isnt always a happy ending

lol & even thouqh I tend to want to give up with the little battles in my life I wont loose the war.
I cant loose it, because thats the only good thing Im striving for seems like.
And even if I do, ill jes wander around in my own little world, trying to be okay.

Its true that even when everything seems to be going wrong, being happy anyways suppresses some of the hurt. But you have to go to sleep && you have that 30 minute winding down interval to think (at least i do) &nd everything comes smashing down. But thats when I talk to the person that has always been there for me, since hour one.

Maybe he has some unseen plan for me that I STILL DONT SEE, but I dont know. Nothing seriously suprises me anymore lol tomorrow I could be the happiest person ever who knows. But all I know is that, even when I was little every problem I had was so blind to me. I was the happiest, kindest, giving little thing out there. Gullible as ever. I know how my heart is, and I still find myself wanting to be that way but I cant anymore and it kinda hurts.

I dont know I just feel like too many dont realize how good they got it. I was born with this heart so I cant really relate to a self-absorbed materialistic person. So when I see gorgeous girls with no kinda heart whatsoever getting everything a person like me deserves, it makes me feel like CRAP.

And I see nothing wrong with guys looking at girls outer appearance first because thats what draws you in, but what if that one girl couldnt help how she looked. Maybe she was in a fire when she was young and was scarred for life. Maybe she had some skin disorder she couldnt help even she went to doctors countless times. That kinda ish can wear on your selfesteem man no matter how hard you try to be confident. But when you sink back from this new found confidence you have, you feel defeated. Like you arent being the person you should be.

THIS SOCIETY IS JUST MESSED UP. basically . lol

I dont mind going through pain as long as it betters my chance at something...worth fighting for. But I dont want to get damaged past the point of repair, know what I mean ? And I just feel like with every situation, with all this time I gotta let time take its course as far as confidence and letting love and friends that deserve my friendship find me, im getting weary man.

I find myself reading, and listening to music to maintain my head and keep my thoughts from being wacked. I just be wanting to express myself more and more but then I realized lol I aint got no one to express dat to, but Im not gon let my words fall on deaf ears. I gotta get it out somehow because I know I got a gift, and I need to practice it, or I will loose it. And if I loose my gift, LORD KNOWS LOL. That will not be very nice lol.

I have so many dreams and so many other things I havent done or witnessed. Life never seemed worth living so much until youve realized the things you desire to do. Yeappp, das all for now.

-larose.

feelings..my letter to God

God you know how bad I try to be positive and shine some kinda happy light on other people because the pain I feel inside I honestly wouldnt wish on my worst enemy. I dont want people to worry about me or feel pity so I try to be strong so they can see that theres no reason to give up on life but I feel so close to that God. You know every trial and tribulation i have been thru since i was born and u know my heart. You know im waiting on a genuine smile. You know my passions and things I crave for. I could care less to talk about somebody bc idc bout all that. It just hurts me so much that right now I should be soooo happpy but im not. Ive had this amazing surgery I been waiting on forever. and I am I really am, but if I keep on this path I am now, its all gonna go to waste and I dont want that to happen lord ive come SOOOO FAR. Trying to not stress and keep my skin clear and keep from emotional eating but its so not helping. No one is even trying to be there for me :( i jes wanna run home to my family and cry i really do. I never did wrong to nobody to be so sad like this. Im jes so overwhelmed right now I cant even try to write how im feelin right now. Im so broken its fkn ridiculous. sorry to who ever has to love me bc u gon have to try real hard, alot of things have lost its meaning to me. smh. thanks for listening and always being there..

A girl like me [A novel im starting to write]

My pen name is going to be Larose .

Hurriedly, I walked from the automatic sliding doors into the parking lot to meet my cherry red Toyota Corolla “Betty Boop”. My work day was finally over and the day seemed to brighten up a bit against the sunset. I threw all of my things into the backseat and lazily plopped into my seat.
“Story of my life,” I sighed.

I turned the ignition as my car rumbled to a start. Today was just one those bad days you dread when you have one of those good days you haven’t had in a while. My nerves were shook and I couldn’t think straight, numbers were running through my head and I just needed some type of serenity. This newly found confidence really is helping, but I don’t know how to deal with the extra attention. You can say that I am a bit awkward at times. The wind caressed the edges of my countenance and I try to bask in the feeling. I turned on the radio and the reggae music soothes my soul. My body moved with the beat, matching the bass perfectly. It’s not that I dread coming home every time I leave work; it’s just that I’d rather be somewhere else, if that makes any sense.
As I pulled into the driveway, my legs felt like logs as I lifted them outside of the car at an attempt to stand upright but I staggered, naturally.

sounds good so far ?

Update on my Orthognathic Surgery

So as you all know, I have had jaw surgery and it has gone EXTREMELY well. My rubberbands are off and I can chew and everything. Hard part has been not wanting to eat all the bad foods haha. I will admit that I have cheated and It has caused me to gain some weight but recently I have went back to my healthier lifestyle and Im loosing weight again :] I dont really want to post pictures (alot of them anyway) until im like somewhat happy with myself. I dont want to get full of myself and stop loosing weight you know ? I know I dont have THAT many followers but thanks for the people who kept me in their thoughts and prayers. It means alot :] Sooo no more mcdonalds are none of that bad stuff :) and if I do, itll be the healthiest thing they have ! MUAHz, later mi gente .

Since my surgery..weight loss .

Since my jaw surgery, like my body has been changin like whoa. LOL IM NOT COMPLAININ, but its like lol ABOUT TIME. I still work out n stuff, but I got like 2 weeks until my rubber bands come off and I can chew again...LORD KNOWS IM GOIN STRAIGHT TO MCDONALDS!!! lmao SHOOOOOT. But naw lemme stay on point...I lost like 20 pounds already. And I wanna loose alot more. I was on the thicker side but now I wanna be like...skinny thick..and toned u kno. Because im short and all that weight on a short girl aint cute LOL SO YEAH :D ROOT FOR ME !!!!!!!!!!! :)

Onch : Paris Hilton's My New BFF

Okay so I hate the show BUT I LOVE THIS...GUY...GIRL LOL whatever he/she wants to be called.

F*CKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

Where has my poetry skills GONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
ugh this is depressing :

www.wildchildnation.com ;; CLOTHING LINE

Hot shit.

N.E.R.D - No one ever really dies.

And this is true. How many legacies do we know? That's the freaking meaning of history. People leaving legacies and things for people to learn from. The question is who wants to decide to be in it?

Vent. Yet again.

Lord knows I am tired of crying over this guy. My blogs are like littered with thoughts of him. Why cant I blog about the shit I like? Fashion? Music? Poetry? Current events n ish? Ugh bugs the hell outta me. But I cant make sense of it. So I write how I feel until I can. Maybe thats why.

Idk its like, Ive accepted partially the fact that it will never happen but its so not fair on my part that I like express myself totally towards him and I feel like I barely got half back. Yeah I understand its hard for him to express himself (which I feel is partly a lie because how do you get engaged and connect with another woman enough to have a child, yet you cant express yourself well?) but I mean, you need to try because I deserve that much and more.

I cant just let this person go just like any guy I meet because Ive known him for almost 4 years. He was my best guy friend until I told him how I felt. And I mean shit, it was gonna inevitably happen. And we got in an altercation and both disrespected each other to the highest point and didnt talk for a while. But honestly, like ive never had someone I could jes talk to about NOTHING and about SOMETHING SO IMPORTANT and jes get like good vibes and feel like I got something out of it.

But now its like lol he doesnt even try to talk to me like he used to. And I mean Im tryin to get over it but I dont even wanna ask why he doesnt talk to me like he used to because it might strike another arguement and this time I know he'll be gone forever and Im not ready to deal with that yet, not right now.

Maybe just like my feelings for him was inevitable, us not being friends anymore will be the same. I just wish he would like say it straight up, so I know like Leah this aint the deal no more and yu need to let it go. Like, prolonging the pain is even worst then like bein my enemy and talkin about me, like its hurting my heart. Kinda like a stab n my heart and youre pulling the knife out so slowly.

Im jes so over the tears. And what makes it worse is that his ex, or w.e she is to him. Hell he never tells me anything anymore, knows I see what she writes on his facebook. Hell its a public profile. Why cant yu message him lil flirty shit like that and it bugs me so bad because lol i want it. but fuck it man i feel like so played and like so...underappreciate like thats not even respectful of me and he KNOWS i DONT LIKE HER. Shes a bitch to me for no reason...


Im so broken about this and I just want it to be over. I just want him to be honest so I can take my fuckin heart and leave.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHH [skreams)

No matter what I do its never good enough,
I have told you time and time again but fuck it, I give up.
Everytime I see your face it aggravates me inside,
but I smile instead and force myself to think the love is alive.
Im tired of bullshittin every word I say to you.
So sick of this shit Im so fkn through.

Settle for less and avoid me like you normally do.
Laugh at my faults displaying them in full view.
Never addressin shit you know that bothers me,
What the fuck you think im mentioning this shit for,
My heart is black and empty!

Okay I cant focus on rhyming anymore so ima jes vent. I dont believe or understand this shit. HOW THE FUCK CANT YU SEE WHERE I AM COMMING FROM. THE FKN TRICK IS CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!! freakin delusional.

How can you be best friends with someone and steady talk shit about them when you get in an altercation??????????? like what the fuck. and not even care?? yo i hate her ass yo, i still aint over this shit and she got the satisfaction of having the guys heart that I love the most in this world. AND I FCKIN HATE IT. I DO. i hate her. and i dont like him right now for not seeing that and not even caring enough to talk to me about it.

My heart is black and i dont want it to be this way. i dont like them......................

Are you a hater ? Here is some valid advice : )

"That freakin tvs black!"

"ITS ONYX!"

lmao @ that shit :))

I think everyone can feel where this chick is coming from. I couldnt have said it any better !

Why keep long time friends close...even when they do you wrong ?

So im here and im emotional.
Im alone, I dont have anyone to talk to.
I tried to get advice from someone I was befriending and got no where.
Because she doesnt know ME.
I felt so hopeless then because I tried with everything in me to get her to see where I was commin from.
But she was just like I dont know what to say.
And she has every right to say that,
but I know someone who knows who I was back then when I didnt even know who I was or who I was destined to be, would most likely know what to say.
Too bad they have moved on with there life....and im still here.
Discovering.
Alone.
While they flaunt the person they found and love. themselves.
I feel like im at square one and no one wants to help me along.
I cant even hold my tears back because im overcome with sadness.
I just want to shine and want someone to appreciate my shine...yet I feel stupid sometimes.
For thinking im someone great.
Sometimes I just want to cut ties with the world and just forget it.
My heart hurts so.
Forget my bomb ass little cousin who I love so much, I know she is going to be something great.
Forget my family who loves me so much but has yet to know the hell going on inside me.
I call Gods name for help everything and it helps me through but just the days when yu look back and feel like you have gotten NO WHERE.
[sigh]
Some days I look in the mirror and see potential.
Other days I cant even look myself in the eyes.
I just want someone to love me for me, appreciate my talents, my struggles and who I am.
And I know people hear this alot from people but i so mean it,
I sit here right now wiping away my tears of sorrow and struggle to type.
I want love so bad.
I just want someone to care...i cant do this...night.

So the haitian girl loves the dominican guy ? how can that be?

LOL this is a nice lil topic. yet its true for me, maybe not for him but it is for me.Yeah i love the guy even though we dont talk. I love alot of people I shouldnt love but I do. I loved his heart, I loved his soul, his passion, his culture, his compassion, and his love. Hispanic men are such passionate people (not saying that black men arent, I love the black men in my family, I just havent met a black guy outside of my fam that are as strong and real as them). From the way they dance, carry themselves, I just get OOOOO. LOL. Every since I was little it was just something about a hispanic boy with a ponytail that lit my fire and had me going. But then theres that altercation between the french and their land that goes back to the 1800s. So what will his family think if he likes a haitian girl? Naaa aint happening (most likely). Real romeo and juliet type shit eh? lmfaoooo. nice.Now im drifting off into another topic....Oh well :DI just feel like when a hispanic guy says he loves you, hes passionate about it and actually knows the meaning of the word. Minorities in general have a strong sense of family and a strong love for each other. I just want mine >_< haha. Whether its the one im wanting now or if i meet one tomorrow. I just want some real passionate type love. Es Verdad? -larose.

In my pursuit of happyness [lol]

Run with me to our destinys...Id rather be by your side then to ride this ride alone,lets laugh and love and experience it together.But time and time again i look around and no ones there :(It just hurts so bad knowin i did all I could yet things dont want to go my way.so i cry and hurt so bad inside.and move on...alone.I cant wait for my one day of sunshinepromising me better days to come.Until then I will smile and be hopefuland if pain is on my shoulders at night i shall cryand in the morning...my hopeful smile will arise.but only at night, i shall cry...


***idk, i just been feelin real down lately, i dont chill with no one really bc i dont like to be around ppl who aint really down for me and aint real. so im like..feelin a bit lonely :( i miss laughin at stupid shit and like havin fun yo....w.e***

why am i hurting inside?

the more i think about his ass it makes me marvel in the fact that i felt that way.
I so believe yu can accidentally fall in love with someone.
Because he was the best guy friend and my best friend I could ever have.
And then I let him know like what if we was together bc just one day it came to me.
and he pushed me away and we got into the arguement that ended our friendship.
and its like eating at me inside because this isnt fair.
why leave me hangin like that, you cant just leave me feeling this way for you
without dealing with it.
And i hate this because i feel so stupid and like...rejected yet by someone i loved.
a little too much.
UGH.
just a bad freakin situation to be in.
and to be feeling that way.
and then that HOOKER :
and see now, i knew it would be that way.
but he didnt believe me, people wanna be loved but when they bein loved right by someone it goes unnoticed.
And I dont wait on no one to realize wth they got bc im not gonna be treated like dirt.

[sighs]

Writings on the wall . 2-10-08 [poem]

In complete solitude I sit contemplating things
My life is speeding up and I hear the silent rings
Important decisions need to be made in order for my success
Confidently I stand up and think thoroughly in order for me to rest.

I dont want to be some failure in the history of my making
When someone reads my story I want them to be relating
To me and my struggle and all the things that I have been through
I want to touch the hearts of millions Build a fortress ; Some type of pavillion.

Life is so beautiful when you have learned so much from it
It's like the pleasure forms up and spills over in abundance
Give me my blessings and make me appreciate life so much more
I can tell im going to be something in life ; just open up a new door

And let me enter and peak my head in
Embracing the new challenges and ill seek from within
The power and strength to handle it all
Trust me with my new face I will not fall

A new chapter in my life is about to begin
Thank you so much Lord ; Im ready to win..... :]


Authors Note:
This is just reflecting my emotions and how I feel about graduating and my outlook on the next 4 years of my life. Words are so beautiful ;; i love it.

Whenever you find the time [poem]

Whenever you find the time to listen to my needs
I'll be around but who knows if i'll be willing
To lend a listening ear for you to recite your plea
Inside my heart is troubled and shattered
Yes it has the illusion of a mended heart taped with clear things
But if you could see ;; im as broken as I can be.

Life hands me trials haha yes just like any person
Personally I feel like my hand had an extra joker
Some people were thrown in there and we became closer
And others were distractions to tend to my dissatisfaction.

My mind is that of a philosopher ;; I see past the usual
Call me emotional if you will but I wont mess with trivial
Once you have grown you shouldnt retrogress
Im blessed with a faithfull religion ;; therefore I am blessed.

All I say and All I ask Is please be there ;; dont lie in the grass
Be that friend or be that lover that you claim to be
Dont say i love you or call me sister continuously.
Because when I return the favor ;; itll be more than you ever know.

Yes ;; im a virgin to true love. A virgin to physical things.
So to that special one Im destined to meet.
All my love ;; shall be for you.
All these wordly trials I have endured ;; all the strength and passion ive built up.
Could only be for that one love ;; so give me all youve got because its all Ill need.

I live to learn and love.
Be real ;; or youre transparent.......
dont break a heart until it exists no longer.


-larose <3>

A piece of your heaven [poem]

A love so deep not even the illest writer can describe
When I reach deep inside myself to give you my love, from myself I have to hide
Because this love is too great that rejection would kill me
I dont want to damage this love because without it id feel so empty
So I keep what we have and treasure its existence
At least I have an ounce of your heaven, so baby I aint trippin
Baby? no maybe, I cant call you such a thing
I give you that title only in my wildest dreams.
See there I hold you, caress you, and make love to you nice and slow.
Our eyes meet, fuzing, igniting this fire that burns beneath my skin,
Every touch sends electricity through my body and I gasp needing air within.
But then its back to reality and Im happy with what I got.
I know you love me, but to an extent is where it stops.
Will I ever meet someone I love as much as you? Thats what scares me.
With every altercation tears pour from my eyes profusely.
It scares me the thought of my body shaking from loosing this love,
and this is even before the thought of us mixing blood.
And creating something so dear to my heart and wonderful to my soul,
Youve given me a child, to love and to hold.
I snap back to reality, damn there goes those dreams.
I have this sickness, of loving you but I know it cannot be.
Im your down ass chic, that will fight a bitch haha if she messes with you
and thats what I will stay, only if you want me to.
If not, like I said before, Im fine with the love you give.
I only want a piece of your heaven, and my heaven..ALL of it I will give.


**Yo i wrote this ish under 10 minutes and this was coming straight from my heart.
Too bad the guy that I wrote it for is an asshole and we dont even talk anymore.
We both got in an argument and just messed up everything.
I dont take anything back though...its how I felt so...**

Spoken Word Poem # 1.

My lips are sealed as I admire your beauty,
Its something about your style and countenance that draws me in,
I feel kind of stalkerish watching yu and feeling emotions deep from within,
Oh how I yearn for your touchh,
These feelings I have inside whether they r truth or lies remain.
Meaning they are possibilities that can become actuality.
That means the punctuality of my functuality of telling yu that yur everything I see and I gotta see moree.
I imagine great things if me and yu could be,
Yu know like that young love drawn together by destiny,
See baby boy I got this thing for you,
Pulls me in on a string for yu.
Got me hooked like a fiend for yu.
But my lips are sealed and I'm too shy to speak though words exhilarate me,
Inside I'm dying to simply say hello and I wonder if yur eyes brighten like mine when I see yur face,
Only my head remains low as I question my grace my poise and the little noise I make shakes my mind,
Am I causing too much attention is he looking at me omg I'm such an idiot.
And all the while haa yur focusing on something else,
But who knows if this could be real bc the emotions that I feel are based on anticipation.
So is tha right?Should my hopes be at height?
I feel an inclination that ur the one for me my mr right now,
An angel to pressure laughter from my lips,whenever I am down.
Kiss me softly as I fall into this emotion,
I'm going to marinate in this feeling and sink into your ocean.
Of care and love for me tha I never knew I could bare.
If only I would simply hold my head high and talk with you
Until then, Ill become this prisoner..of a love that never grew.


**Again the ending is ehh. I gotta work on my endings yo.

Untitled [poem]

I wonder if ill ever be able to love again,
I'm not afraid of doing it all over,
I just hope that me and him will remain closer,
The bond that we will share will hold us tighter than my rubberhand holds my hair see,
I want him to quiver at the sight of me,
His palms sweaty when our bodies meet,
See his love evident in his eyes that change,
Depending on his moods and I adore them,
I melt when I gaze in them,
they uplift me, and lay me down like he does when we make love,
Ohh yes when we make love,
Passionately so,
He holds my body tight and never lets me go,
As our bodies shake in rhythmic motions and the friction of the sheets create this magic love potion,
I can't imagine anything better,And my laces are soaked and I can't get any wetter [hahahahahhha],
See baby this is how yu get me and I feel yur every emotion,
I love listening to yu talk, even if yur jes spittin hella commotion.
So when I see yu talking about that other girl,
This dream and this love fantasy will stay locked....in my peaceful loving world.


*the end is ehh. I didnt know what to put lol

Betrayal [poem]

Ridiculous as it is
Hilarious as it is
You have belittled yourself true this
how could you call yourself a woman but your running from what truth is ?
acting untouchable to feeling emotions and knowing the deal
If you were sista homegirl then you definitely should feel
Im done caring for you when you feed me lies
Im full muthafucka and its going to my thighs
Long time friend you are but if only one is trying then y bother ?
You lookin faceless at me when Im the one to yell and holler.
Take yur knife and remove it from behind me as quick as you can
This kind of pain is runnin deep and pulling me in like quick sand
Physical barriers holding me back from shit you caused me
But do you know ? Shit i dont know maybe , probably.
The scars are evident upon my body and I see them every day
I touch them and quiver for letting yu get me this way
Breaking friendship rules that shouldnt even be encountered.
WTF is your problem !! Have I even fkn matterd ???
I laugh off the pain and brush off the anger.
This wont get the best of me
Adios, Goodbye, Ill see you LATER.

I am complex. The introductory to me.

There's somethings that I struggle with every day but you wont notice with this facade (haha my rhyming never quits ). I am a lady with many imperfections but that makes me unique and all those selections.

• I am clinically overweight.


• I have a skin disease called eczema (&& I have had it since I was born).


• I wear my hair natural therefore I have afro-hair (still struggling to find styles).


• I have a really bad underbite (undergoing surgery this summer).

But I refuse to be a victim to life. Life is made for living and that is what I plan on doing. 2009 is going to be my year and I dont care who comes in my way and who tries to stop me. Ive come this far and I shall succeed. Ive been real in all my pursuits and through all the things I stand for. Im not a person to sit here and tell you im this and that and then go doing the opposite.

I CANT STAND THAT. Im going to try and get used to blogspot, but I dont want to post things people arent going to read. So ill get at yall when I get some comments !