lol & even thouqh I tend to want to give up with the little battles in my life I wont loose the war.
I cant loose it, because thats the only good thing Im striving for seems like.
And even if I do, ill jes wander around in my own little world, trying to be okay.
Its true that even when everything seems to be going wrong, being happy anyways suppresses some of the hurt. But you have to go to sleep && you have that 30 minute winding down interval to think (at least i do) &nd everything comes smashing down. But thats when I talk to the person that has always been there for me, since hour one.
Maybe he has some unseen plan for me that I STILL DONT SEE, but I dont know. Nothing seriously suprises me anymore lol tomorrow I could be the happiest person ever who knows. But all I know is that, even when I was little every problem I had was so blind to me. I was the happiest, kindest, giving little thing out there. Gullible as ever. I know how my heart is, and I still find myself wanting to be that way but I cant anymore and it kinda hurts.
I dont know I just feel like too many dont realize how good they got it. I was born with this heart so I cant really relate to a self-absorbed materialistic person. So when I see gorgeous girls with no kinda heart whatsoever getting everything a person like me deserves, it makes me feel like CRAP.
And I see nothing wrong with guys looking at girls outer appearance first because thats what draws you in, but what if that one girl couldnt help how she looked. Maybe she was in a fire when she was young and was scarred for life. Maybe she had some skin disorder she couldnt help even she went to doctors countless times. That kinda ish can wear on your selfesteem man no matter how hard you try to be confident. But when you sink back from this new found confidence you have, you feel defeated. Like you arent being the person you should be.
THIS SOCIETY IS JUST MESSED UP. basically . lol
I dont mind going through pain as long as it betters my chance at something...worth fighting for. But I dont want to get damaged past the point of repair, know what I mean ? And I just feel like with every situation, with all this time I gotta let time take its course as far as confidence and letting love and friends that deserve my friendship find me, im getting weary man.
I find myself reading, and listening to music to maintain my head and keep my thoughts from being wacked. I just be wanting to express myself more and more but then I realized lol I aint got no one to express dat to, but Im not gon let my words fall on deaf ears. I gotta get it out somehow because I know I got a gift, and I need to practice it, or I will loose it. And if I loose my gift, LORD KNOWS LOL. That will not be very nice lol.
I have so many dreams and so many other things I havent done or witnessed. Life never seemed worth living so much until youve realized the things you desire to do. Yeappp, das all for now.
-larose.
I cant loose it, because thats the only good thing Im striving for seems like.
And even if I do, ill jes wander around in my own little world, trying to be okay.
Its true that even when everything seems to be going wrong, being happy anyways suppresses some of the hurt. But you have to go to sleep && you have that 30 minute winding down interval to think (at least i do) &nd everything comes smashing down. But thats when I talk to the person that has always been there for me, since hour one.
Maybe he has some unseen plan for me that I STILL DONT SEE, but I dont know. Nothing seriously suprises me anymore lol tomorrow I could be the happiest person ever who knows. But all I know is that, even when I was little every problem I had was so blind to me. I was the happiest, kindest, giving little thing out there. Gullible as ever. I know how my heart is, and I still find myself wanting to be that way but I cant anymore and it kinda hurts.
I dont know I just feel like too many dont realize how good they got it. I was born with this heart so I cant really relate to a self-absorbed materialistic person. So when I see gorgeous girls with no kinda heart whatsoever getting everything a person like me deserves, it makes me feel like CRAP.
And I see nothing wrong with guys looking at girls outer appearance first because thats what draws you in, but what if that one girl couldnt help how she looked. Maybe she was in a fire when she was young and was scarred for life. Maybe she had some skin disorder she couldnt help even she went to doctors countless times. That kinda ish can wear on your selfesteem man no matter how hard you try to be confident. But when you sink back from this new found confidence you have, you feel defeated. Like you arent being the person you should be.
THIS SOCIETY IS JUST MESSED UP. basically . lol
I dont mind going through pain as long as it betters my chance at something...worth fighting for. But I dont want to get damaged past the point of repair, know what I mean ? And I just feel like with every situation, with all this time I gotta let time take its course as far as confidence and letting love and friends that deserve my friendship find me, im getting weary man.
I find myself reading, and listening to music to maintain my head and keep my thoughts from being wacked. I just be wanting to express myself more and more but then I realized lol I aint got no one to express dat to, but Im not gon let my words fall on deaf ears. I gotta get it out somehow because I know I got a gift, and I need to practice it, or I will loose it. And if I loose my gift, LORD KNOWS LOL. That will not be very nice lol.
I have so many dreams and so many other things I havent done or witnessed. Life never seemed worth living so much until youve realized the things you desire to do. Yeappp, das all for now.
-larose.
No comments:
Post a Comment