feelings..my letter to God

God you know how bad I try to be positive and shine some kinda happy light on other people because the pain I feel inside I honestly wouldnt wish on my worst enemy. I dont want people to worry about me or feel pity so I try to be strong so they can see that theres no reason to give up on life but I feel so close to that God. You know every trial and tribulation i have been thru since i was born and u know my heart. You know im waiting on a genuine smile. You know my passions and things I crave for. I could care less to talk about somebody bc idc bout all that. It just hurts me so much that right now I should be soooo happpy but im not. Ive had this amazing surgery I been waiting on forever. and I am I really am, but if I keep on this path I am now, its all gonna go to waste and I dont want that to happen lord ive come SOOOO FAR. Trying to not stress and keep my skin clear and keep from emotional eating but its so not helping. No one is even trying to be there for me :( i jes wanna run home to my family and cry i really do. I never did wrong to nobody to be so sad like this. Im jes so overwhelmed right now I cant even try to write how im feelin right now. Im so broken its fkn ridiculous. sorry to who ever has to love me bc u gon have to try real hard, alot of things have lost its meaning to me. smh. thanks for listening and always being there..