Vent. Yet again.

Lord knows I am tired of crying over this guy. My blogs are like littered with thoughts of him. Why cant I blog about the shit I like? Fashion? Music? Poetry? Current events n ish? Ugh bugs the hell outta me. But I cant make sense of it. So I write how I feel until I can. Maybe thats why.

Idk its like, Ive accepted partially the fact that it will never happen but its so not fair on my part that I like express myself totally towards him and I feel like I barely got half back. Yeah I understand its hard for him to express himself (which I feel is partly a lie because how do you get engaged and connect with another woman enough to have a child, yet you cant express yourself well?) but I mean, you need to try because I deserve that much and more.

I cant just let this person go just like any guy I meet because Ive known him for almost 4 years. He was my best guy friend until I told him how I felt. And I mean shit, it was gonna inevitably happen. And we got in an altercation and both disrespected each other to the highest point and didnt talk for a while. But honestly, like ive never had someone I could jes talk to about NOTHING and about SOMETHING SO IMPORTANT and jes get like good vibes and feel like I got something out of it.

But now its like lol he doesnt even try to talk to me like he used to. And I mean Im tryin to get over it but I dont even wanna ask why he doesnt talk to me like he used to because it might strike another arguement and this time I know he'll be gone forever and Im not ready to deal with that yet, not right now.

Maybe just like my feelings for him was inevitable, us not being friends anymore will be the same. I just wish he would like say it straight up, so I know like Leah this aint the deal no more and yu need to let it go. Like, prolonging the pain is even worst then like bein my enemy and talkin about me, like its hurting my heart. Kinda like a stab n my heart and youre pulling the knife out so slowly.

Im jes so over the tears. And what makes it worse is that his ex, or w.e she is to him. Hell he never tells me anything anymore, knows I see what she writes on his facebook. Hell its a public profile. Why cant yu message him lil flirty shit like that and it bugs me so bad because lol i want it. but fuck it man i feel like so played and like so...underappreciate like thats not even respectful of me and he KNOWS i DONT LIKE HER. Shes a bitch to me for no reason...


Im so broken about this and I just want it to be over. I just want him to be honest so I can take my fuckin heart and leave.