i feel a lil better. but this poem go hard as fuhh

The more you tell me to shut up the more I wanna speak.

These mental visions inside me of makin your body leak.

YOU SHOOT DOWN MY CAPABILITY.

SO I SHOOT UP YO SPOT , are you kidding me ?

When greatness is shaken pebbles of wrath fall down.

Don`t damage anything you can`t amount to because there won`t be another round.

Who do you think you are you ask me over and over again.

That you don`t want to know my silly little friend.

This painted mask is so great that even you would come near me and trust me I aint THAT friendly.

Welcome to my bad side && there's no eraser to remove you from this page .

You stick here like permanent marker on a stage .

I`m not releasing you because I want you to feel this pain .

BANG. BANG. BANG. muthafcka. BANG.

All your stupid thoughts and uncapable dreams on the floor it`ll stain.

No remorse`ll be felt for you never AGAIN ....

I tried to hear you out as you skream and as you shout .

But I ain`t feelin it no more , so i`ll lead you down another route..

just a bit angry you think ? lol i love it.

FUCK LOVE

i quit, im done. ILL BE THAT BITTER BITCH BUT IMA BE HAPPY. tired of chasin shit that run from me. GET ON MY FUCKIN NERVES.....BOUT TO START WRITING pen to paper. purge my system.

NO WHERE .

i`m getting nowhere. Every person I turn to, to promote me or inspire me or lend me a helping hand in a project i`m trying to start only slap me down && it`s like wtf? Why are we cool if you don`t believe in me ? Exhausted with trying to prove to people who should be down for me in the first fucking place. If I can`t get them to help me or get there support how do I expect others to see what i`m trying to prove. I been strugglin with this shit so long I dun forget WTF I`M TRYNA PROVE IN THE FIRST DAMN PLACE.

Like I read a few days before...the good die young and i`m bout ready to go home and be with my Lord. THIS LIFE SOME BULLSHIT.

ugh.

i keep searching for something thats not there....

A note on facebook about people deleting me LOL .

I keep realizing this and its lmao buggin me out, but not in a bad way.
It's the bitches that keep doing it, the low life bitches.
People that cant justify their actions and arent man enough or woman enough to say WHATS REALLY GOOD !
And see, i'm a woman enough to say who Im talking about because A) they was on bitch mode when I was talking to them and do what all bitches do when they cant take the heat on the phone and hang up on people. NOT KOSHER WHATSOEVER.

SO YOU TELLING ME, IF I WAS IN YO FACE RIGHT LOL YOU CAN SILENCE THIS???? AINT NO WAY. AINT NO HANGIN UP ON THIS SWEETY !!!!! So. Number one rule on how NOT to be bitch. HANDLE YOUR BUSINESS, STRAIGHT UP ! NO MATTER THE SITUATION . :)

Now, for the lil bytch boys all over the world !!!

Dont get mad, when people always doggin you out for shit you do. JUST STOP DOING IT!!!! IT AINT THAT HARD!!! And its funny how when others make that mistake, even if it rarely happens for them. THEY WANNA BE THE FCKN DRIVER FOR THE GUILT TRIP ! LIKE THEY ASS AIN NEVA DID IT BEFORE ! Ima need you to sit yo mr. i plead da fif ass DOWN and understand ITS ALL YOU !!! I can apologize and make right on my part, but yo ass still WRONG AS HELL !!!

lmaooo !!

BYTCHES AND HOES !!! SMH. cant live with em, cant live without em. ahahahahaha :D



&& most of yawl kno who im talking about in this. one female and one male. all i gotta say to them is MUTHAFCKKKKKKKKKKKKK YO LIFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, BYTCHESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS ! :D Lets see who succeed in life being real or who succeeds being a TWATFACE !

AND THEN I COMMENTED THIS:

People got they pride all up they butthole out they mouth and dont even wanna accept THEY DID SOMETHING WRONG. Going around publizing the WRONG SIDE OF THE STORY to everyone else. the truth is the truth, no need to make it a PSA ! Those the people you needa look out for, ones tryna PROVE THEY POINT ALL THE TIME. MY POINT REIGNS PROVEN, I AINT GOTTA PUSH THE STORY NANNNN BIT ! lol this situation is chuckable. AHAHAHAHAHAHHA makin me chuckle.

My thoughts on what ive been thinking *in my t-roy voice* LOL

The thing about me is when I say I love you, whomever you are, it means in other words "I would do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that I can to keep you from physical, spiritual, and mental harm." Love doesnt get deep to many people but it does to me. If you look into my past relationships, including friendships, I have been nothing but loyal to them , maybe too loyal but wtf, that's me. Maybe I can get too deep into it , can`t apologize about that but I can lighten up when told. I am not afraid of nothing or nobody so If you need me to be there in the most dangerous of situations, I am that girl. But alot of people dont see that and appreciate that anymore. I AM WILLING TO BE HARMED MY OWN DAMN SELF FOR THE SAKE OF LOVING ANOTHER PERSON. DOES THAT NOT MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A SPECIAL ASS PERSON ??? All I gotta say now man , is if somebody else step on my toes on some other type of bullshit , I AM GOING TO BE A NUN . Nobody appreciates real love no more nor tries to attain it. So yeah when you hurt my feelings I cut off all connections and feelings for you unless you try to prove it to me some other way. Leah Rose gon b happy. I tell you that much.

Tired of stressing my body out getting sick, not recognizing myself in the mirror sometimes. Not anymore , ima be happy. And I dont need no one else to validate me, cause im DAMN confident in myself.Want real love ? Hit me up. If not , Fck outta hea.

LOST .

I know I may be confused but i`m not dumb. I am very well educated woman who likes to take a stand for what she believes in. The road I been traveling has been so clean cut and it`s like I know what mistakes not to make, but I barely have any experience with certain things that fascinate me or that I like to talk about. It may not be something I should do, but I think about it. I don`t know. They way I been going ain`t doing nothing for me and I can`t find nobody to talk to who gets it, who can offer something worth listening to. Nobody knows my past and what I been into and how I kinda lived a double life in my teen years and sometimes and somehow I want to actually LIVE the way I was. I wanna feel alive and just FEEL. I hate to feel like certain people were a figment of my imagination....or not who they say they were because I naively but my trust and ultimately love into them...but I put myself into that life and lived it.

I mean, what i value is love...and bringing inspiration to others. I do that already, i inspire. I love to get the compliments and see others excel in life but what about what I need inside. Love has never been here. Only multiple facets of fake love...i can`t deal no more.

So maybe my purpose is more than my needs, maybe I can tend to the world's need and find my way that way. I dun been through too much pain as it is I don`t see nothing else that can hurt me and even if it does, i`ll be where I wanna be. Time to make some lifestyle changes and figure out what it is i`m doing and what I`m going to do with my life. I`m just tired of this pointless shit i`m doing now. It may get others places but it ain`t doing shit for me..

ANGER .

My throat has a knot.
Words are thrusting around in my mind like a fucking tornado.
I hate the fucking cards life has dealt me.
If I could i`d shred them...then burn them...and then throw them in the deepest volcano I could possibly find.


My mirage is so perfect no one can see past this smile.
Even the genuity in my eyes convinces everyone, ignore these negative influences.
I'm not.
EVERY fucking night I cry. Every night.
It`s not fair. I can`t keep doing this and FURTHERMORE i don`t fucking deserve it.
I feel delirious, od mysterious.....like there can`t be no other human being who functions like this.
Everywhere I hurt and no band-aid can patch this shit up.
I think too much that I want to be with God, leave this world behind where no one shows me real love.
Where I can see the tears of emotion or feel fingertips of longing or just even a fucking simple meaningful kiss.....I`ve never felt a meaningful kiss.


I want someone to want me....hold me and never let go as there soul is felt all over my skin from the tears of happiness...baby let our souls mend together as our tears are mixed together because we are utterly happy together.... i don`t think i`ll ever get there......

i just dont care no more.

i can preach all day about the wisdom i have acquired....but life so unkind to me and my words fall on deaf ears....i`m just tired of talking...when no ONE EVER FUCKING APPRECIATES WHAT I SAY......i dunno anymore......I JUST DONT FUCKING KNOW.

Soul cry .

Respect me...she begs love me internally.
Yearning for people to realize that true love resides in her.
You want and you search for something that is right beside you.
You stomp all over it and mistaken it and demean it`s wealth.
She`s been there all along, yelling out urgent cries to you.
TAKE ME IM HERE.
All I ever wanted was love my dear...

These tears no longer replenish her garden...they run try.
The magic element of hope no longer exists in them so now...her flowers no longer bloom.
She's growing limp and she`s wilting from all the abuse and her love will go forsaken.
She's shakin , from all the pain from all the frustration .
At night she falls into her abyss of dreams and hopes to catch sanity
&& wrestle it down but it always fights piercingly...
she fights to hold down her true love...and sanity....never enjoying....humanity.

Tears are just clear blood to her now...no emotion felt....just pain of the soul crying out to show her that she has wounds inside...no way to fix it...no way to hide....because sanity wants out....&& her true love is trying to exscape...

But you are searching wrong...in my heart is where it is...it`s trying to get to you but if it leaves me i won`t exist....see I can`t live without my love....&& my sanity...I try to paint this smile...but i was never into vanity...


She tires of having her soul cry....feeling like every night she might die if what she has held on to for so long flees.....tired of living on that edge seeing you search for something that`s right here. You are my cure but you don`t know you can cure me.....make me wanna live again......

just to make you happy...i`ll let my love go...to be with you. Kiss my sanity goodnight as my soul bleeds one last time. Maybe this just isn`t my lifetime..

having withdrawals .

there's nothing like the real thing .
I binge in music , i binge in dance .
but there`s nothing like love in it`s truest form .
When I shower, I feel it trickle down my body && caress my skin as it cleanses me .
Simultaneously, sometimes I cry at it`s beauty && how I miss it so .
With music blaring, my body sways to the melody && my spirit flies so freely .
&& when the track ends it comes back to me, refreshed.
My daily regimen of rinsing the pain away.
I stay sane for you, so if you really do come back we can be .
With this burden on my back && pain still on me , i must go ...
&& cleanse myself because my sanity slips away from me .

rude.

niggas can be so rude sometimes. like wtf, i`m tryna show my feelings for you but NEVERMIND. happens too often... smh.

No air .

sexy vixen ..

sometimes i wanna be the hottest girl in the room .
the one with the features like , damn is that possible ?
I wanna be more than ordinary, or average .
I know I am mentally, spiritually and all that ; but i`d like the physicality to match.
sighhh...
I want the person i`m interested in to crave me in every way possible .
mad, things gotta be so hard.
why i gotta get sick for me to realize i gotta only worry about me.
not everyone is worth your tears ?
why couldnt i just not over indulge in the bad things...messing up my appearance .
i should have just cared about me and stayed....the way i was.

i had potential & i let it all go .
now it's gonna be even harder to get it back .


I wanna be that girl that guys know they gotta step to me at they highest game or its impossible.

im not conceited , i just know my worth .
it's time to show people that...