I've noticed that whenever I air out these thoughts in my head, the poems flow better. Lately I been just driving around my city at night, just to catch a cool breeze and chill with the music && to clear my head. Sometimes you gotta do things like that in order to keep your mind in check, make sure you aint buggin. I was thinking about the direction I'm going with my life and my certain predicaments. And I figured it's natural && normal even though it seems INSANE. I just need skrew my head on straight and see that this is life and its not the structured ass typical high school ass drama. There's gonna be random bouts of drama here and there with every new person that you meet. And if you expect it not to be that way or you see it that way, you fakin. Everyone gets disrespected, everyone has limits and you need to show new people you meet where they are. Some people just dont give a fuck. And you gotta let them you know you dont give a fuck either! I'm fuckin awesome thats all I know. And ill be damned if I let anybody come in my life and fuck up my mental. My dreams are my everyday and I do what I gotta go to reach them.
But um, me being the passionate, romantic, more conservative even though I put what Im about out there alot, christian woman that I am I wanna make sure I dont get wrapped up in....the needs that I can push further on down the road. For example, I just want people to care about really. I get tired of being a bitch to just protect myself I ain gon lie. I just want like a few people to just genuinely be nice to and know with my whole heart they got my back ride or die, you know? Even if its a guy that I like, or guy friends, or girl friends I just want someone whose gonna motivate me and keep me on the right track and not down me for feeling certain emotions or acting a certain way. And if im buggin just be like look, I know you feeling whatever kinda way but this is how it is. You aint gotta be like "DF IS WRONG WIT YOU!" because wtf kinda way is that to approach somebody if you tryna get them to talk to you? I know my ass wouldnt. I would just look at you like you fucking crazy.
Sometimes I gotta remember who I want myself to be, because sometimes I feel so far from myself and I let it encompass me and I gotta re-up on myself. I wanna be this sophisticated, natural, respectable beauty. Who is sure in her talents and herself && who will meet that special someone naturally. God will place him in my life when he feels that he needs to be there. I dont want to feel pressured to go flirt with a guy just because he's cute. He just might be a pretty face. And plus, I want to know that I can connect with dude on a mental and like friendly level first and scope out whether or not he would even feel a chic like me. And to see in the long run would he be good for the betterment of my life && help me discover my more intimate side and if we could grow together in that. Im just not tryna meet some freak ass dude, who wants to turn me out because ima virgin and he knows and I KNOW that theres a very sensual side to me. I dont need that shit. I feel like thats what most dudes I talk to thrive off of. Maybe Im sending the wrong signals being all wrapped up in these feelings I be feeling. That's why I need to check myself. Re-up on Leah Rose.
I'm gonna just work on my life and get myself together, work on this personal love for me and if friends come along, they come along. Im not gonna press it. Finish school, loose this weight, get my skin under control and pursue my dreams. God will handle the rest. :) This was liberating lol
-larose.
No comments:
Post a Comment