Well that was a kick in the ass .

Among lots of other events leading up to this and a comment from an anonymous person, I definitely got my goal in sight now. I`m always second guessing, always. But I think i`m entitled to that right, i been through a lot and so I get off track, A LOT. Currently I`m in college away from home living in a dorm with a roommate. A LOT HAS CHANGED. I will admit I am a little overwhelmed and I am still learning my limits as far as what I can and cannot do in order to not stress my body out and get sick again but hey, it`s my journey. I gotta go through it. I havent really been posting because I don`t get wifi all the way up to my room but now I am seeing how much venting really helps me and I need to continue to do this. Ima just say i`m try hard like HELL to keep my head up, it`s gonna be hard but I can do it. And I will use my talents to help me prevail in life and I will never second guess my beauty.....I can do this....

Upset.

Wanna know how I feel right now ?

I`m mad that throughout all my attempts at like fckin caring for people in general. Female friend. Guy friend. Or someone i like , it`s always a fckin FAIL. big ass fcking FAIL . and it`s like what do I do wrong ? I care for people, society and all that. Always had a heart of gold. && I get shitted on. Yeah I have my best friend , but she not here . She not here to take walks wit me or to drive wit me when I need like to de stress . So what the hell do I do every night ? either CRY , or watch lifetime movies and CRY .

I mean i`m going through so much alone . and everytime i get sick it`s because of stress but no one wants to be in my life or step up and be that friend or be that person in my life i love and i been trying for so long for that and i feel like it`s never gonna come. I don`t wanna die because i`m stressin out over being loved.

mask off, make-up off. time to face reality and to drown in my tears....ugh. goodnight.