Let's get serious .

I just deactivated my facebook account, it was getting a bit too much for me. Going on there when I really need to be doing homework & just to sit their and feel inadequate about my life compared to others. And just to have people snoop on my life. No thanks.

This depression is takinq its toll on me seriously. I dont go see a doctor or really talk to anyone about it because no one has time or even wants to listen to it. I feel like because of my circumstances people arent drawn to be friends with me and thats all I want. I want my mind to be free of all these worries so I can crawl out of this deep hole im in. sigh.

Im so close to loosing my job because Im just not motivated anymore and I really need my job, I have to keep making money. Just very very defeated. Tired of making people mad because "all i do is complain". I dont even know what to say or do anymore because ugh, i dont know. Im just so tired....

Almost every person that I cared for the most left me and dont wanna talk to me anymore. am i really that bad? :( God I need you so bad, my life is spiralling out of control, im tryna help it but I cant :(

A letter to my future lover.

Hey lover,

Here I stand, unchanged even though the world wanted me to. I washed away my flaws as best as I could for me and you. For me, so I could appreciate myself to the fullest extent and for you, so I could love you with every centimeter of me. I would love for you to notice the little things about me, you know the things that matter most. I want you to notice when I become uneasy and ask me why, explore my mentality before you crave too strongly for physicality. It will enhance the passion, trust me. I want every time we meet as one to feel like the rays beaming onto your body under the sun. I want the heat to soothe and spread over your body & take you into a silent state of mind. Where the waves crash at your toes and your breathing is in sync with mine. I want to know you for you, I want to ease the pain and try to wash it completely away. I want to make ur lips quiver when I stare deep into your eyes, examining your soul for anything I can help make right, because I love you. And I treasure your very existance. Because you were made just for me, and me only. You appreciate me when Im mad because I am taking a stand, you appreciate when Im sad because that makes you love me more, because I feel. I feel for everything and I feel for you, indefinitely. And when something strikes a nerve in me to wear im sobbing uncontrollably and you dont understand, just hold me close and tell me everything is okay. Dont let the world crush me in my weakest moments because you know how strong I can be. Allow me to rebuild myself back up again and then let me stand on my own two feet. All the hurt and rejection ive endured and became stronger from because I want to be your beautiful, strong black haitian queen. I carry the burdens of my ancestors on my back alongside mine but at night time when its just me and you...I will lay them down, just to be next to you. Make love to my mind and my soul and my spirit, fueling my fire. So in the morning, Ill be stronger. Strong enough that the pain doesnt phase me anymore. I found love, and I can live my life without any second guesses. My love, ill always be yours.

G.I. Jane

He fell in love with the qirl who fell in love with herself.
The way she shined as she walked, strutting her beauty,
Never did she question herself or restrain from her duty.
On the dance floor her body grooved to her own rhythm
She didnt need anyone to validate her originality.
Mami knew she was sick, deeper than her physicality.
Shutting down dudes who lusted after her body
Because she knew that would only lead to her downfall.
See guys want it all.
This girl is deep.
Not deep like an ocean deep more like an abyss.
Like A hole where you cant predict anything, always surprises.
She holds her head high, needing love rejecting anything less.
Crying at night when the world has let her down.
But God ive worked so hard to skid this bottom ground.
Her barriers cave in, in the presence of no one,
But are built back up with metal, barbed wires and all at sunrise.
Praying for someone to experience her vulnerability one day.
To lay beside her, saying that everything is okay.
Lie to me beautifully, Im strong enough.
Just care enough to lie to me, when the going gets rough.
Baby, I can make it on my own, believe that.
But my heart is beating slowly, adrenaline, a NEED for life is what I lack.
I love me, I love who I am.
But I need someone to share me with, someone whose passion I can withstand.
He looks at her, speechless. Glossy eyed.
Not believing that a girl so pure, so true is standing there, tears in her eyes.
She walked away, crying. Yet head held high, with no regrets.
The next day he knew for sure, she had to be heaven sent.
A girl who fought for herself everyday just to find someone for her own.
My G.I Jane in green so strong and mean, viscious...
Every sunrise I thank God for my queen && I adorn her with all my kisses.


I kinda switched up the Points of view, but its the way it came in my head, lol SORRY :]



-Larose.

formspring.me

Did you know Bri is actually a leprechaun?

lmao oh yes yes. But dont let her know that shhh!!

Ask me anything

formspring.me

What was your worst travel experience?

Going back to Norfolk for spring break while being sick.

Ask me anything

BREAKING POINT.

i need church or something. Im overwhelmed and no one wants to deal with my depression bc they got their shit goin on and they are just not that interested. WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO? im passssssssssssssssssssttttttttttttttt frustrated and im bout to just do stupid shit to amuse myself. sounds good to me :)