N.E.R.D - No one ever really dies.

And this is true. How many legacies do we know? That's the freaking meaning of history. People leaving legacies and things for people to learn from. The question is who wants to decide to be in it?

Vent. Yet again.

Lord knows I am tired of crying over this guy. My blogs are like littered with thoughts of him. Why cant I blog about the shit I like? Fashion? Music? Poetry? Current events n ish? Ugh bugs the hell outta me. But I cant make sense of it. So I write how I feel until I can. Maybe thats why.

Idk its like, Ive accepted partially the fact that it will never happen but its so not fair on my part that I like express myself totally towards him and I feel like I barely got half back. Yeah I understand its hard for him to express himself (which I feel is partly a lie because how do you get engaged and connect with another woman enough to have a child, yet you cant express yourself well?) but I mean, you need to try because I deserve that much and more.

I cant just let this person go just like any guy I meet because Ive known him for almost 4 years. He was my best guy friend until I told him how I felt. And I mean shit, it was gonna inevitably happen. And we got in an altercation and both disrespected each other to the highest point and didnt talk for a while. But honestly, like ive never had someone I could jes talk to about NOTHING and about SOMETHING SO IMPORTANT and jes get like good vibes and feel like I got something out of it.

But now its like lol he doesnt even try to talk to me like he used to. And I mean Im tryin to get over it but I dont even wanna ask why he doesnt talk to me like he used to because it might strike another arguement and this time I know he'll be gone forever and Im not ready to deal with that yet, not right now.

Maybe just like my feelings for him was inevitable, us not being friends anymore will be the same. I just wish he would like say it straight up, so I know like Leah this aint the deal no more and yu need to let it go. Like, prolonging the pain is even worst then like bein my enemy and talkin about me, like its hurting my heart. Kinda like a stab n my heart and youre pulling the knife out so slowly.

Im jes so over the tears. And what makes it worse is that his ex, or w.e she is to him. Hell he never tells me anything anymore, knows I see what she writes on his facebook. Hell its a public profile. Why cant yu message him lil flirty shit like that and it bugs me so bad because lol i want it. but fuck it man i feel like so played and like so...underappreciate like thats not even respectful of me and he KNOWS i DONT LIKE HER. Shes a bitch to me for no reason...


Im so broken about this and I just want it to be over. I just want him to be honest so I can take my fuckin heart and leave.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHH [skreams)

No matter what I do its never good enough,
I have told you time and time again but fuck it, I give up.
Everytime I see your face it aggravates me inside,
but I smile instead and force myself to think the love is alive.
Im tired of bullshittin every word I say to you.
So sick of this shit Im so fkn through.

Settle for less and avoid me like you normally do.
Laugh at my faults displaying them in full view.
Never addressin shit you know that bothers me,
What the fuck you think im mentioning this shit for,
My heart is black and empty!

Okay I cant focus on rhyming anymore so ima jes vent. I dont believe or understand this shit. HOW THE FUCK CANT YU SEE WHERE I AM COMMING FROM. THE FKN TRICK IS CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!! freakin delusional.

How can you be best friends with someone and steady talk shit about them when you get in an altercation??????????? like what the fuck. and not even care?? yo i hate her ass yo, i still aint over this shit and she got the satisfaction of having the guys heart that I love the most in this world. AND I FCKIN HATE IT. I DO. i hate her. and i dont like him right now for not seeing that and not even caring enough to talk to me about it.

My heart is black and i dont want it to be this way. i dont like them......................

Are you a hater ? Here is some valid advice : )

"That freakin tvs black!"

"ITS ONYX!"

lmao @ that shit :))

I think everyone can feel where this chick is coming from. I couldnt have said it any better !

Why keep long time friends close...even when they do you wrong ?

So im here and im emotional.
Im alone, I dont have anyone to talk to.
I tried to get advice from someone I was befriending and got no where.
Because she doesnt know ME.
I felt so hopeless then because I tried with everything in me to get her to see where I was commin from.
But she was just like I dont know what to say.
And she has every right to say that,
but I know someone who knows who I was back then when I didnt even know who I was or who I was destined to be, would most likely know what to say.
Too bad they have moved on with there life....and im still here.
Discovering.
Alone.
While they flaunt the person they found and love. themselves.
I feel like im at square one and no one wants to help me along.
I cant even hold my tears back because im overcome with sadness.
I just want to shine and want someone to appreciate my shine...yet I feel stupid sometimes.
For thinking im someone great.
Sometimes I just want to cut ties with the world and just forget it.
My heart hurts so.
Forget my bomb ass little cousin who I love so much, I know she is going to be something great.
Forget my family who loves me so much but has yet to know the hell going on inside me.
I call Gods name for help everything and it helps me through but just the days when yu look back and feel like you have gotten NO WHERE.
[sigh]
Some days I look in the mirror and see potential.
Other days I cant even look myself in the eyes.
I just want someone to love me for me, appreciate my talents, my struggles and who I am.
And I know people hear this alot from people but i so mean it,
I sit here right now wiping away my tears of sorrow and struggle to type.
I want love so bad.
I just want someone to care...i cant do this...night.