All this stress I been dealing with alone has been getting to me, not really negatively health wise, just in my daily things. Like today, had a dermatologist appointment and didn’t go. I had a test today in class and didn’t go (mind you I haven't been in like a month and its sad but I don’t care). I’m trying to graduate in May and I need this class and I need to keep my gpa over a 3.0. I’m just tired man.
Tired of doing so much positive and being a Christian like woman and still enduring like triple plus pain. Don’t make no sense to me.
I try to go to church so I can work through my emotions but my freakin job act like they cant let me. And everytime pain like this happens to me it makes me just wanna stop being nice and start being bitchy and rude and self-indulging and that’s the last person I wanna be. I know who I used to be and who I am now and people don’t realize that, I was a freakin….angry person. Like if I really wanted to cause destruction in my own way I could. But I aint tryna be like that no more. So I try indulging in music, I cant freakin write no more like I used too…im so freakin depressed. everything is so gloommmy..ugh. I know I ain even fit for no relationship right now. I just wantt a downnn ass bitt down to ride for me. Male or female, and no matter how many new friends I make they always fck me over.
So I’m good, I’ll ride for myself until God sends me a sign. Emotionally, I cant do fake bxtches no more. Aint got the excess breathe to waste on it. Yessir. And all these feelings discredit the 1 to 3 people that actually try to get to know me…but they dunno why I feel this way and I feel like they gonna leave because of how I act. smh. Ima just pray and hope for the best, that’s all I can do….
Been through some hard times while the burden was on my back, it was rough but I was determined so I adapt –Papoose .
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