Oh jeezmus. Camden County will only have to deal with me for about one more year than I am GONE ! Like dealing with the pure bullshit of this past month has propelled me even further even though like...my emotions have been whirling in my head till the point where I cant even decipher them;; all I know is that I was PISSED OFF ROYALLY. Like I was queen bitch for like 3 days && das not like me. People think that when they do little stupid immature shit and you blow up on they ass youre "overreacting". Maybe it's just I got other more relevant shit in my life I gotta worry about to have to sit here and have your ass BE STUPID . No thanks, if thats what you about take yo shit elsewhere and dont talk to me when you talking about your tired of being the way you are, or you want love, or youre tired of blah zay blah zay;; FUCK OUT MY FACE, I TRIED TO HELP YOUR ASS. I got goals, and expectations of my life and OF ME and im going to achieve them with or without dat ass ! das all i kno. Just had to many things rolling through my mind today to have people address me with stupidity. like fuck outta hea wit dat. go fuck with some high schoolers if you on THAT SHIT ! Runnin my blood pressure up;; shakinq && shit. smh @ dis cursery.
Buh like even before really all this anger got to me I was thinking about my ex. Because my friend told me he asked about me. smh. I kinda wish she aint tell me but I mean, I ain gon lie I was curious to if he even cared like if all that time was a lie or whatever. Like, I know dis whole situation is probably gonna hurt me more than I have ever known. But I havent gave it much thought because, I dont need that stress brakin me down right now and I feel like itll take me back to where I was in middle school. Wayyyy beyond depression. Like Middle School was some devastating shit.
Like, I just cant get it in my mind that he has a fiance and like...a baby on the way. So fast. After we was like just fancying that topic ourselfs. Its like oops, nvm lets give this dream to my new fiance that just fell out the sky. Idk, I dont care to know how they met blah blah. If he cheated blah blah. Cause thats the shit that will really get me like deeply depressed. Thought that God finally sent me someone to understand and like...just be there. We didnt even have to be together, I said that so many times.......but things dont work out the way you plan. I always wanna be hopeful keep pushin and keep riskin things to be in love and find that one. But I just cant do that right now even though I CRAVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE it so badly. I just wanna love someone so bad thats gonna reciprocate it. Like cheat on me, okay I see you dont wanna be with me. We will break up. But really go and get her pregnant and give her a ring and shit like.....that just LOL is ridiculous. break my heart. put it in a shredder and dispose of it in a volcano. That might hurt less for a girl like me.
But even though my emotions are getting the best of me and my head is still a whirlwind, ima try and stay true to the pen and to paper. And still express myself because I love how words sound when they come from my heart.
bleh.
-larose
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