I like to cry in the shower.

All visible traces of pain washed down the train.

The bags underneath my eyes erased by the cold water.

Why are your eyes so red Leah??? I got shampoo in my eyes.

Simple. It’s just me and God. Only he knows and that is all I want to know.

Tired of fighting with the world to be who I am, tired of the fucking judgement.

I cannot help that everyones image of beauty isnt me. I feel beautiful inside but when you are constantly getting you arent beautiful drilled into your head its hard to believe your own damn self.

My heart is as pure as gold…or it least it was. So I don’t understand all this pain. It cant be karma….so it has to be the devil.

Im not gon prolong this. im just so tired. I don’t thing I deserve this pain in my heart yo, I don’t. I really don’t. I just wanna be held and told I am beautiful that’s it…..that’s all I FUCKING WANT. im too done.

damn damn damn…

mmmmmmmmm !!!!!!!

He’s beautiful and so am i.

When I see a guy, I see everything. I have always been able to do that. When someone’s interior, things that make them attractive in relation to personality, matches there exterior, physical looks, it is very….intriguing and ignites a fire that can never be exterminated. But many guys know they have that charm and they use it to their advantage. I’m just so afraid to let go of being so….sure and safe. I don’t want to give someone else the control of controlling me. I am not your average girl. And I am very confident in who I am….and a little less in certain ways. If only it was easier, I don’t know. I want to know that I am capable of anything…I do. I do not like feeling caged up and unfulfilled. I have this feeling that being shy is always going to be apart of my character but I wish it did not hold me back from what I really want. Because later on I beat myself up about it and I feel like lol that silly little girl in middle school that like, could have kissed a guy but didn’t lmao. There’s a lot of potential boxed up in this shy woman and I am determined to let it out no matter how out of my comfort zone I feel. I ‘ve been strong  all my life to sit here and conform and stop seeing what I am capable of. I love me, I am just still on my own personal journey. I want relationships that make me feel out of body and want to go and do freakin summersaults and flips everywhere. And maybe I am just scared to say forever to something that has the least bit of unsureness (couldn’t think of a word lol) I’m just gonna end this post with my favorite quote of all time.

 

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”