Where are you Leah ?

I want to say that the reason I have this blog is because I want to be free to express my pain and you cannot do that with many people. I do not care who sees. this is me. Good, bad, pretty or ugly. If you cannot take it then you cannot take me. I will not deny my feelings about people, things, life, and just everything. I am so tired of loosing people. I know some people are not meant to be in your life but the ones that you love so much and care so much about should not have to leave. And I get treated like shit, I do not see how I offend them and make them say the things they say and if I forgive and forget, I feel like that scared, insecure little girl I used to be. And ill be damned if I go back to being that way.... I have so many things within myself I need to deal with before I begin to even embark on loving someone else and that hurts me so bad because I more than want it, I desire it. I know im depressed, I know it. And its so embarassing. How I just fckn let myself go. and i did. i fkn did. and i didnt fkn want to. and it pisses me offfffffffff. ahhhhhhhhh. im so close to the edge. sometimes i feel like ima brake down in public because its always on my back. poking me letting me kno that its still there. i just want to walk outside and be like...damn im so happy right now. i dealt with all my shit and I can let it go and be me. I feel so far from that moment. I always feel like a burden to people because of what I go through.

Ima damaged soul, i know that. Ive been through so much shit.
ughhh......these damn tears......sigh. i just wanna be betta, dont wanna be sick no more. i dont want my brother to be sick no more. it hurts me so bad bc i love him and we both dont deserve this pain, this stress, the ridicule. we deserved to be loved for everything that we are. we do. Too many thoughts are racing through my head right now....cant do this.....ima just do my hw, shower all this pain away and lay down. tired of standing alone... :(